Thursday, May 30, 2013
this is just what i needed
i want stars to light up my dark
i want to see who we are cause i still don't seem to know
i want scars to peel this happiness so that i can let myself grow
like a snake shedding its old skin I'm still trying to see where i fit in
my pain echoes in the chambers of my soul
and just when i feel like i know…
i forget to breathe
i forget to believe
i somehow manage to get by
some days i don't want to try
sometimes i just want to cry
and most days i ask why
i am here
you are near
did this tear stream down my cheek
why do i feel so weak
why do i hurt so bad
why have i been getting mad
whats really going on
am i right or wrong
am i left with nothing?
or will i have something to call mine
am i running out of time or just from myself?
blah….. I've lost myself
and myselfs lost me
i don't know where i should be
my mind is going crazy
my heart is beating so fast
i don't know how much longer i can last
I'm tired of hurt and I'm tired of pain
I'm tired of this stupid game
i don't want to win anymore
i don't want to begin anymore
i just want it all to end
i just want to mend my broken heart
i just want to heal through my art
i just want to to sing my own song
thats all I've wanted for so long
im scared of the future because i don't know what it brings
but thats why i do these things
it takes me out of my comfort zone
it makes me hone into my inner peace
attaining it wherever i please
now can i please just do what i want
be where i want?
hear what i want?
dance and prance how i want?
can i look say eat feel be what i want?
im tired of trying
im tired of lying
to myself and everyone around me
I'm tired of being bullied by my own emotions
dark oceans are crashing down on me
could it be that I'm drowning in my own misery?
could i be that i don't know me as well as i thought i did?
could it be that i need to forgive...
and remember what I'm giving for
theres more in me than i think there is
and i need to stop questioning what that is
you'd think it would be so easy
you'd think my flaws wouldn't freeze me...
but they do
and I'm trying to be ok with that.
I'm trying to not look back
i want to move forward, i want to grow
but all i hear is everyone's no's
so what is it that you want to stop me from?
what is it that you want me to become?
a little more like you and a lot less like me?
the thing you don't know is I've set myself free
from the limits of my mind
from the constraints of time
from the hate and greed that used to suffocate me
floater and wanderer i may be
but i have the whole world to see
why see it later when now is already here?
and why let yourself be consumed by fear?
why not explore your own inner workings?
why not figure out what isn't working…
and let it go
and let yourself flow with the rhythm of life
damn it feels so nice when i don't resist
feels so nice when I don't have to bend and twist to the demands of others,
only my own
then i can finally feel at home
safe in my own skin
not afraid to let anyone in
no walls, no ego
it is then that we know