this is just what i needed

i want stars to light up my dark

i want to see who we are cause i still don't seem to know 

i want scars to peel this happiness so that i can let myself grow

like a snake shedding its old skin I'm still trying to see where i fit in

my pain echoes in the chambers of my soul 

and just when i feel like i know…

i forget to breathe

i  forget to believe

i somehow manage to get by

some days i don't want to try

sometimes i just want to cry

and most days i ask why

i am here

why

you are  near

why 

did this tear stream down my cheek

why do i feel so weak

why do i hurt so bad

why have i been getting mad

whats really going on

am i right or wrong

 am i left with nothing?

 or will i have something to call mine

am i running out of time or just from myself?

blah….. I've lost myself

and myselfs lost me

i don't know where i should be

my mind is going crazy

my heart is beating so fast

i don't know how much longer i can last

I'm tired of hurt and I'm tired of pain 

I'm tired of this stupid game

i don't want to win anymore

i don't want to begin anymore

i just want it all to end

i just want to mend my broken heart

i just want to heal through my art

i just want to to sing my own song

thats all I've wanted for so long

im scared of the future because i don't know what it brings

but thats why i do these things

it takes me out of my comfort zone

it makes me hone into my inner peace

attaining it wherever i please

now can i please just do what i want

be where i want?

hear what i want?

dance and prance how i want?

can i look say eat feel be what i want?

im tired of trying

im tired of lying

to myself and everyone around me

I'm tired of being bullied by my own emotions

dark oceans are crashing down on me

could it be that I'm drowning in my own misery?

could i be that i don't know me as well as i thought i did?

could it be that i need to forgive...

more

and remember what I'm giving for

theres more in me than i think there is

and i need to stop questioning what that is

you'd think it would be so easy

you'd think my flaws wouldn't freeze me...

but they do

and I'm trying to be ok with that.

I'm trying to not look back

i want to move forward, i want to grow 

but all i hear is everyone's no's

so what is it that you want to stop me from? 

what is it that you want me to become?

a little more like you and a lot less like me?

the thing you don't know is I've set myself free

from the limits of my mind

from the constraints of time

from the hate and greed that used to suffocate me

floater and wanderer i may be

but i have the whole world to see

why see it later when now is already here?

and why let yourself be consumed by fear?

why not explore your own inner workings?

why not figure out what isn't working…

and let it go

and let yourself flow with the rhythm of life

damn it feels so nice when i don't resist

feels so nice when I don't have to bend and twist to the demands of others, 

only my own

then i can finally feel at home

safe in my own skin

not afraid to let anyone in

no walls, no ego

it is then that we know

how to

let 

love

in.

life keeps movin on...so stay strong

-->

It saddens me to see all of those who are lost out at sea,

Swimming in an illusion of anger, hate, and greed as our souls cry out to be set free.

Why is it that we hide our pain?

Why is it that we insist were not all the same?

My heart is hurting and I want to remind everyone that they are worthy of love.

I feel lost too, but it’s just a test to see what we’re made of.

If you can find it in you, then I can find it in me to believe in the destiny of our heart, the destiny of our art.

The expression of what we hide so deep inside.

Please, just let yourself cry.

There is no you or me,

There is only one,

And our being is brought into existence through the reflection of the sun.

Take a moment and close your eyes.

                                                            Breathe in deeply

                                                                        &

                                                            Remember why…

You

                                                                      Are

                                                                                                                                    Here.

To release yourself of all your fears.

Once we let ourselves go it is then that we truly know

WHO

WE

ARE

And well…

                                                                                       Your guts came from the stars.

So relax and breathe in one more time.

Let

Your

Body

                                                                        U

                                                                              N

                                                                                    W

                                                                                   I
                                                                                     N

                D

And melt.

And remind yourself….

That you are worthy of everything you dream of.

 So follow your heart and it will

                                                G                                       L

                                                    U             Y            T         O

                                                          I           O             O          V

                                                            D          U                            E

                                                               E

In everything you do, in everything you pursue.

As long as you stay true to yourself

There will be nothing else

But

Joy.

<3

Wandering Through My Wonder

I ponder if people wonder about the same things I wonder about.
I wonder if they secretly wander into the deepest parts of their doubt.
Do you wish to be a tree?
Do you wish to live under the sea?
Do you imagine the wind blowing through your branches, pulling your leaves apart?
Do you imagine being rooted in yourself and uncovering the layers of your heart?
I wonder if others wish to release all of their judgements like me.
I wonder if they want so badly to tear their walls down and set themselves free.
Where do thoughts go if you never face them?
And what happens to them if you embrace them?

Awaken Your Soul

We are consciousness expressing itself through a physical manifestation of love and an infinite dance of beauty. We are limiting ourselves by putting our worth in paper (money, diplomas, etc.) and by measuring our capabilities with time. We are not prescription drugs, or confined schooling or implants; we are not labor and unhappiness and suffering; the problem is we've come to believe that we are these "things" and that we need all of these "things" to shape ourselves and our future, but we don't. They only prolong our misery, helping us to become comfortably numb with what we call "life." Our biggest problem is that we excuse ourselves by accepting that "this is just life, it's just the human condition." No!That's not life! That's how we've made life, and that's how we've made ourselves.

Not many of us have the guts to face ourselves anymore. To face the deepest, darkest shadows of our soul, for fear of what we may see, the judgments we may make against ourselves, the guilt we may feel; so sadly, we live out a life of strange, never ending despair and confusion. It's "easier" that way, right? Finding yourself is frowned upon, a waste of time. Self-reflection and introspection are considered vacation now, and we're automatically labeled as an outkast if we DARE to be different, SO...most of us on this earth don't step out of our comfort zones for the ultimate fear of what others might say. Well, who cares what others say?!?!

The only person who is going to regret your life is YOU. So while everyones busy externalizing their regrets on you because they can't take responsibility for their own life and the creation of their reality, I BEG you to go FIND YOURSELF. Find what you love, what lights the fire in your heart so much that the passion takes over your entire being. So much so that the bullshit your brain wants to feed to your heart doesn't matter, because you finally know what it feels like to truly be alive. FIND OUT so that you don't have to look back at your life one day and wonder what you could have done different.

We need people to change this world right now. We - this earth and every single human inhabiting it - need you to stand up for what you believe in. FIGHT. Fight for your right to express yourself. Fight for your right to be genuinely happy and healthy. Fight for your right to LOVE yourself and everyone around you. Fight for your righ to know the truth. If we don't fight, we fail, and that's NOT an option, so go on an adventure and let yourself go. Awaken your soul.

It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt, and you're going to cry and kick and scream, but your also going to laugh harder than you've ever laughed before, you'll meet the most beautiful people and see the most beautiful things. You'll experience a side of yourself that you didn't think existed, a side of love and compassion and warmth. You'll understand the feeling of staring into someone's eyes, only to see your own divine self reflected back to you. You'll feel beautiful. You are going to FEEEL. Not pain; joy, not envy; honor. And you know what? At the end of the day, your words can't hurt more than their lies, so speak your truth, no matter what anyone says to you, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, because if it feels right, than it is right. Yea the truth hurts, but only temporarily, until it blooms into something much sweeter. Lies on the other hand, will haunt you forever. So please, let's put aside our pride and bring the child within us back to life. Be the change you want to see in the world so that we may live in harmony, happiness, and peace once again.

Sometimes

I don't like to think I'm pretending, but
I guess that's what
It Is.

I don't like to think I'm writing this for anyone, but
I guess
I am.

I don't like to admit I'm scared, but
I know
I am.

I don't want to live in the future, but
I'm not always in
the present.

I know this earth is beautiful, but sometimes I wish I could just be
in heaven.

Will I become everything I know I can be?
Will I fulfill the dreams that I always see?

Somewhere in my heart space, will I tap into the essence of me?
I don't like to think of what couldn't be,
but how could I not?

I love remembering, but sometimes I wish I never forgot.

Writing is my life, but I usually dread the next line.
Words are everything to me,
but sometimes I wishh I didn't rhyme.

When I think about the Universe and where it is that I fit in,
I feel my heart explode with bliss,
I feel everything I have to give.

There's a difference between existing and living in your truth,
So close your eyes and take a step into your joyful youth.

Remember how it felt to run through the grass with your arms open wide?
Remember what it felt like to know the limit was the sky?
If we can find a way to take this state of mind,
then maybe we can unite ourselves and let our minds
unwind.

We all have a flame inside, a soul that's meant to fly free,
So listen to your heart when it tells you to just
BE.

Be who you are,
with no restraints,
questions
or
concerns.
Look right into your self.
It is there you will learn.
Anything and everything you've ever wanted to know.
Plant your love into others hearts and watch as their flowers, grow,
light your candle, then start a spark,
Watch how the world will glow.

Spirituality is Being True to Yourself

Spirituality is not a standard or a set of rules or guidelines that you live by. It's not becoming a vegetarian, doing yoga, or meditating everyday. By conceptualizing these ideas, we limit and bind ourselves to everything that spirituality is not. There's no initiation to being "spiritual," no ritual. It is simply the dedication to understanding yourself and life to the deepest depths, and from this dedication stems the truths of the universe, the laws of love that we were created to live with.
In understanding the many facets of life, we come to appreciate everything that life has to offer, everything it teaches us.

When we are able to understand ourselves, we are able to understand the universe, for they are one in the same. With this knowledge comes forgiveness, forgiveness of others misunderstandings and judgments, anger and hurt, coldness and fear, but most importantly, forgiveness of ourselves. Forgiveness of the judgments WE'VE made, the decisions we regret, the words we wish we never said. And then, with this forgiveness, comes love. Unconditional love. Love in knowing that every single expression of life is rooted in the latter, in knowing that that root blooms into itself, into love, from love, and will never cease to exist.

Being Spiritual doesn't mean that you are "happy" and "cheery" all of the time, or that nothing seems to phase you, because it sure as hell does. I used to believe this crap, and because of it I put myself down, thinking that if I'm spiritual, shouldn't I be on the same "level" of these other "spiritual" beings? Shouldn't I be able to rid myself of pain and fear because I "know" the supposed truth? Why am I still crying? Why can't I live what I know? Why do I still have an ego when I know that's not who I am? WHY do I still hurt so much? I let my mind eat my heart from the inside out until I realized the truth . . .

The truth is...you sure as hell do hurt, and you sure as hell do cry, and you will do so until YOU don't need to anymore and only you know when that is. Pain in the heart is usually a deep hurt, a hurt that takes time to let go of and heal. You should cry, you should scream, you should be angry. LET IT OUT. Just let yourself go, and know that when you are ready, and only when you are ready, your true self will be waiting for you in your heart, to actualize itself. Time isn't going anywhere, so be patient with yourself and you'll find the truth in that patience.

You'll understand that being "spiritual" is actually just trial and error for finding the truth, and the truth is whatever resonates with YOU. You'll feel it, you'll know it. You'll understand the movement and rhythm of life, and you won't be overwhelmed or overtaken by unpleasant circumstances that arise.
You'll understand the contrast of life within the oneness that it is. That pain brings life to pleasure, and that darkness is only there so that it may be lit up once again. Yes, emotions are transient and experiences are unexpected, but it's all a learning experience. Not knowing what's going to come next. Not knowing what the next piece might be to the seemingly never ending puzzle. That not-knowingness, infused with the essence of knowingness- that trust you feel towards the universe that everything is unfolding as it should- is what makes life so damn beautiful, because no matter what, life goes on, and you are still alive.

So throw yourself into the wind, trusting that life will carry you wherever you need to be, even if you have no idea where you are going. 

Oh Life, What Are You?

I've decided to just make a list of some questions/observations I've had lately (with some possible answers). My intentions aren't to offend, just interested in hearing others' points of view. Feel free to comment on here with your possible answers or you can send me an email at bergerjenna@yahoo.com ! peacee to yall <3333

*Christians/Catholics believe that God judges you based on whether you've been good or bad enough to go to "heaven" or "hell." What I wonder is what if going to "hell" is really just us reincarnating on earth (what we now think is hell) until we've finished our karmic cycle and then were able to go to heaven? Heaven being the higher dimensions from which we originally come, our natural state, our "comfort zone.. What if our souls made plans & contracts with God, Source, Spirit to learn certain life lessons and until we've truly learned them and allowed our I AM presence (true spirit) to actualize, we're not yet ready to graduate from this cosmic classroom?

*So I was thinking about Christianity/Catholicism (CC) compared to Buddhism, and I wondered why CC views God as greater than us or of an essence that we are not. If God is everything and we were created in his image then wouldn't we be the children of his art?
 Buddhists believe that the God is within you as well as without, that there is no separation of all that is, and all that is is bound to the laws of love, so I came up with an analogy to try explain why giving your power away (feeling inferior to God) seems silly. 

- So you have a painter who painted a painting. The Painter isn't greater than the painting and the painting isn't greater than the painter, they are both just the essence of the same thing in different forms. The painter holds the emotion of his work within and unveils it as a piece of art without, taking nothing away from the emotion, just merely expressing it, like I said, in a different form.

*What if we are an experiment? (which I think we are) What if Adam & Eve were the beginning and God gave them the option to eat from the tree of knowledge (although he warned them not to) just to see what would happen? What if we are the results :)

*According to Christianity and Catholicism (I believe, correct me if I'm wrong), God is all forgiving and after you die you stand before God in a time of judgement, asking for forgiveness for your sins, and if you don't, you are sent to hell, but if God is all forgiving then wouldn't he forgive you for not asking for forgiveness?

*Again, according to Christianity and Catholicism, you can be eternally damned and perished. What I want to know is why God would ever express himself as something that can be eternally damned ? (since God is everything) 

Anyways, only a few more days until the Christ Consciousness - the knowing of the true self & embodiment of love- is activated. It's about time we allow our lives to unfold as they should.