Resistance to existence and all that i "need," i cant quite get myself to see the meaning of all this, and maybe its not there for me to see yet, but im driving myself crazy, trying to figure out this hazy life, nothing feels right, maybe its because i dont let it, i just want to forget these past 40 days where ive eagerly given my power away. the more sense i try to make of all this the less sense i have, i havent felt glad to breathe in awhile and thats not really my style... confused i sit, fit after fit, maybe im depressed because i feel less and less grateful for what i have and if i think this is bad i should think about those without a roof over their head or a warm bed where they can read their favorite book, at least i have a kitchen where i can cook and a bear to hug, art supplies to create and a cat to love...with all these things on my mind youd think id find a way to surrender to the flow, letting go of all my expectations...
but i cant because i feel like theyre all i have and if i let them go ill have nothing left to grab... and maybe ill fall deeper than i already have, which makes no sense because nothing could be as bad as this past month and the front ive put up with myself. i keep thinking and writing and thinking and fighting this never ending battle in my heart and just when i think the fallen pieces are going to fall apart...
a little girl walks in with a shirt that says LOVE... and i get angry and pissed because i know that this is what my "stupid situation" is made of.
so i sit and ponder and try to wander back into "it." the feeling that fits and isnt so out of place, a feeling that doesnt take anything at face value, but values everything, thats the feeling i want to bring back into my life. maybe it starts tonight with these words, maybe all i want is to be heard and make it known that we all have dark phases where we feel SO alone, but its what we find in the corners of our mind when we have no one to hold our hand, that shows us the illusion of our confusion and of human kind.
Faith, do you know it? Compassion, do you show it? or are these just words that float around, that cant seem to bring you up from your down. reality, we make it, every breath, we can fake it if we want to...or we can try and remember in this gloomy november, everything weve been through thats brought us to this truly beautiful point.
Another sip of w(h)ine to kill the time...the candle flickers and i keep on writing these rhymes to try and figure it all out and i wont stop until every ounce of doubt has drained from my veins and i have claimed whats rightfully mine...my right to shine in my own unique expression of myself and with the help of my sisters and brothers who want to heal and feel this thing call love...together we shall rise above and learn to grow, our roots planted in the know. although we go through times of resistance, although we sometimes wish for a different existence, we hang on, these tears that fall, they keep us strong...they nourish our bodies with the physical manifestation of emotion and remind us that if we remain open to all that is...only that which is in our highest good shall bring us gifts and come to reunite us as one. all that weve known to hurt us will be done.
so if youre in the same position as i am and the days have felt longer and your fears have grown stronger...try to stop fighting it. i tried, it doesnt work, and here i am writing about it. you and me both know that in order to grow we have to let go. so let your battle wounds heal and KNOW that you are the real deal. you have courage and purpose, no matter what youve been through or done, you are STILL worth it, so keep crawling or walking or running or flying, whatever works for you, as long as youre trying, you WILL get to your goal...but remember the journey is what makes you whole. Now that ive told you my story i hope youll drop some of your worry and live in peace, trusting the universe, and believing in your dreams. they ARE yours and theres no reason why you cant have them, dont ever let them fall, no matter how far, reach out and grab them...and love yourself on the way, remind yourself every day that you are more precious than you could ever imagine...now step back and watch the magic happen.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
the fear of rejection and the rejection of fear
So this is a pretty long one and I know it just looks like a huge, intimidating blob of words....but this one came from the deepest part of my heart ...enjoy
We spend our lives in a haze, running around trying to fit in some where, uncomfortable in our own skin, with the desire to be something or someone we’re not. We deny ourselves the right to be happy because we are who we are. We constantly seek approval, act ignorant and hurtful toward one another, and hide our beauty behind makeup and walls, sacrificing ourselves for acceptance, but do we even feel worthy after it all?
I’m writing this blog about my summer and what I've learned.
I’m scared, fuck yeah I’m scared. I don’t trust the universe still. My heart races a lot and I question things. I don’t like to be a lone in the dark and I wonder if I’ll ever be successful. I know I’m divine energy and light, but I don’t feel worthy. What does it even mean to feel worthy? To have everything stripped away from you; and still feel like you belong, like you are a part of something bigger, and that you don’t need an identity, opinions or “things” to define you. You are love and you feel it, you know it. You are who you are and that is PERFECT.
How many of us actually feel like that? How many of us even think that it’s possible to feel like that? I still don't. I still doubt it… a lot…but I sure as hell wont settle for this anxious, high-paced, ignorant, repressive, greedy life style. This is not the way life is meant to be lived. This is NOT why we are here. So I've set on a quest to live my life the way that feels right, even if its scary to do so. Fortunately, I have shelter and food, I have amazing people and the love of my life who support me endlessly, I have my dreams and visions that keep me pushing forward…and I have my heart. I have everything I need in this moment of my journey and I plan on expanding this moment a little bit more everyday...but that doesn't always come so easily when you don't feel safe in your own arms.
When your anchors are gone…the people who hold it together for you, who help you to stay strong…when they're gone, what do you do? Do you feel good enough to rely on yourself and your inner mother, or do you runaway towards alcohol, or food, or drugs…maybe sex? Maybe nothing at all. Do you even know that your insides are falling apart ? Can you feel that they are, but don’t want to face it? Would you rather spend your life pretending to be someone that you're not, pretending to feel something that you don't, as if your happy? I see so much of that out there.. Granted, we are experiencing the most powerful shift that has ever taken place and more and more people are refusing to settle for mediocrity… but I still want to put this out into the universe. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE OUT THERE. There is! And inside…more than you could imagine. And it's all there for you. I've caught glimpses of this "more." Some have been longer than others, but they happen none the less and its real, this infinite universe, its real.
My heart goes out to those who fear this universe…fear the unknown, fear their purpose, their life. You are not alone. I'm right there with you…but if we could just STOP doing....just stop, for a moment...and realize that we are sooooo beautiful. We are incredible. Every single person. Just the fact that you are alive, breathing your existence into this earth, sculpting what we call life, is a miracle. I mean our lives are NOT an accident, come on. Seriously? Over 7 billion people are alive and each one of us is functioning in our own way, with our own thoughts, and our own soul. How? How is this real? Look up at the stars and tell me that that’s not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Feel your heart beat and just acknowledge the fact that it's beating on its own. And your body...your body is taking care of you. It loves you...and it wants to be loved in return. It's time we start loving ourselves.
If we took a few more minutes out of our day to stop and observe the miracle that is life, if we said thank you just a few more times, if we let ourselves be… wow, that would be so freeing. It would be like a big weight has been lifted off of our hearts because life wouldn't be such a burden in that moment.
Worry gets in the way of appreciating the moment. I catch myself worrying about the future a lot and what might happen, and I think about the past and who I was, even though I’m not that person anymore. What good does that do me? What good does that do you because I know you do it too. The past has already happened and there is nothing you can do about it ...and the future will happen the way its meant to happen and there is nothing you can do about it…or is there?
We worry because we are guilty. Guilty of not living our life to its highest potential. We worry because we know the universe isn't going to support us when we are half assing everything, we worry because we are running out of time to impress everyone, we worry…because we know we are not doing whats good for us, whats good for our soul. And while we may continue to think that we worry because that’s what you're supposed to do, deep deep down, we know that's not the truth. Everyone does. So its time to make a change and feed your hungry hungry spirit...and if you think you're already feeding it…feed it some more. More love, affirmations and gratitude. Tell yourself your good enough because you are. Tell yourself you're good enough because you don't want to find yourself somewhere down the road wondering where your life and your dreams went.
This summer I fearfully followed my dreams and my heart and I set on a journey to find my tribe. To find those who have the same vision as me and are ready to take disciplined steps towards self healing so that they can actualize their hearts desires. To find those who genuinely accept me for who I am, as I am. And well I found them, and I also found a lot of myself that I honestly did not want to find. Here I am with these beautiful people who are looking into my soul unlike ever before…and I AM TERRIFIED. Whyyyyy am I terrified? And that’s when it hit me. I really do not love myself as much as I thought, or even as much as I was pretending...I cant quite seem to get me to be myself…as a matter of fact I don’t even know who I am.. All of my experiences, all of my relationships have sculpted this personality that I desperately cling to, but for what? What am I really holding onto? Anything of value? Is my ego really worth it? Or should I just let it go.
And that’s when everything fell apart…and I got really scared. How do I even let go? Is that even possible? I've been holding on so tight for so long. How do I define myself now? But that defeated the whole purpose… I don’t need to define myself! And neither do you... for anyone or anything.
Shit just kept falling apart because my reality was being shattered…over and over again. By me, by these new energies, these new people, this new music, this new vibration. I wasn't quite attuned to it yet. Where did it all come from and why isn't the entire world like this? These are happy, spirited people. I caught myself thinking "I want to be like them," and my insecurities took an even deeper turn. I was back at where I started with a longing to be outside of myself, feeling unworthy. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you find yourself continuing to cling to that belief, the belief that you're unworthy; its safe and its what you know. And the longer you cling to that safety zone, the more scared you become of the world because all you know is your limited experiences. The ones that traumatize you and keep you trapped in your own box, while your soul continues to crave more. More exploration and risk... its longing for it. It wants adventure and freedom. It wants to fly…and well how can it do that if its holding onto to something?
I encourage you to allow yourself to float where you're meant to be and let your spirit catch a wave out to sea, not on the shore, because you deserve so much more. Take a dive, go on a ride, let yourself feel alive. It doesn't matter what anyone says, don’t let things go to your head, be in your heart, when you live there, it cant fall apart. Its all connected and we've all been misdirected, so now its time to dig deep and break free from the herd of sheep. Be someone different, make something new, and please stay true to you. Find your passion, express your art, give yourself space for fresh starts. its not about being smart, its about being wise, and using those eyes to feel others soul, don’t judge them by what you don’t know.
We create dissonance by clinging to the old, we create pain by fitting into the mold, and though we don’t know it, we are all one, and although we don’t know it, we all hold a sun, that sits in the center, a sun we can enter at anytime. This sun, it can glow if we let it, and when we feel like we have nothing, don’t forget it, because this is the true essence of you, this is the part that you never knew. when everything is said and done and there is no more “anything anymore” your sun will still be shining at the core of the universe, and you will have many rhythms left, your breath will be gone but now you can feel your infinite nature, you can feel your worth being something more than paper. You wont question it, it will feel so right and your whole existence will be a moment of flight, so when you get all worked up about this physical life, and your heart hurts, and you've forgotten your light…no worries, no hurries, your existence is eternal and in one time or another you will never yearn for another thing, everything will sing, wrong wont be a song, and you wont even know your “gone” because you will always be here and life wont be something to fear. Words will cease to exist and the harmony of the heavens will drift through your love, in between the below and the above, and the feeling of being is more than enough.
Why cant we bring this world to the now? What are we waiting for, we already know how? Love and let everything else fall. Love and let down the walls. Lets create a judgment free zone so that anywhere we go can be our home. Lets open our arms up, lets trust each other again, but first we must start in our own skin, so lets love every cell and transform our self proclaimed hell. Enter into the flow and you will grow taller than your highest dreams, together we can rip this reality by the seams, the guts of the truth pouring out, now we know what this is all about…
Evolution and change, its an endless range of paths and souls who are trying to grow in whatever way they know how, even if their going backwards, times getting faster, and pain is slowing down, happiness will soon take the crown and reign over all, things are going to take a fall, and from ruins we will build the world in which want to live, love and give… unconditionally, and receive endlessly because it feels so damn good. We can relax, things are perfectly in tact and I know exactly who I am, I don’t have to question it, I don’t need any fans, I have myself, I know my worth I know my wealth, I know I'm capable of the impossible and it seems probable that my imagination will become a reality and my existence wont be a duality and I can share that with you, and soon a few will turn into a lot, before you know it well have a full parking lot, or 4 or ten, and soon well want to start all over again, the people, the world, all of the parking lots will be full! Or maybe we join together in the trees, it would be more fun with the bees, wed be on the ground, with our hands on the earth, and well give her respect and put her first. Well nourish her children, and watch them grow, and let them teach us what we don’t know. Story telling will be filled with magic, and love wont be so tragic. Things are simple, well have basic needs, and the freedom to choose as we please. everyone's the same in the highest good and in the name of spirit. We listen and we can hear it, the whisper of the wind, the darkest sides of sin…but…we integrate, transmuting that hate into positive energy, were working in synergy, forgiveness is key, gratitude is to be….noooooow can you see where I'm going and do you want to come along because I don’t want to be wrong, and oh there's my ego talking, and I'm going to keep stalking it until it leaves...in the meantime, this is what I got, this is me.
We spend our lives in a haze, running around trying to fit in some where, uncomfortable in our own skin, with the desire to be something or someone we’re not. We deny ourselves the right to be happy because we are who we are. We constantly seek approval, act ignorant and hurtful toward one another, and hide our beauty behind makeup and walls, sacrificing ourselves for acceptance, but do we even feel worthy after it all?
I’m writing this blog about my summer and what I've learned.
I’m scared, fuck yeah I’m scared. I don’t trust the universe still. My heart races a lot and I question things. I don’t like to be a lone in the dark and I wonder if I’ll ever be successful. I know I’m divine energy and light, but I don’t feel worthy. What does it even mean to feel worthy? To have everything stripped away from you; and still feel like you belong, like you are a part of something bigger, and that you don’t need an identity, opinions or “things” to define you. You are love and you feel it, you know it. You are who you are and that is PERFECT.
How many of us actually feel like that? How many of us even think that it’s possible to feel like that? I still don't. I still doubt it… a lot…but I sure as hell wont settle for this anxious, high-paced, ignorant, repressive, greedy life style. This is not the way life is meant to be lived. This is NOT why we are here. So I've set on a quest to live my life the way that feels right, even if its scary to do so. Fortunately, I have shelter and food, I have amazing people and the love of my life who support me endlessly, I have my dreams and visions that keep me pushing forward…and I have my heart. I have everything I need in this moment of my journey and I plan on expanding this moment a little bit more everyday...but that doesn't always come so easily when you don't feel safe in your own arms.
When your anchors are gone…the people who hold it together for you, who help you to stay strong…when they're gone, what do you do? Do you feel good enough to rely on yourself and your inner mother, or do you runaway towards alcohol, or food, or drugs…maybe sex? Maybe nothing at all. Do you even know that your insides are falling apart ? Can you feel that they are, but don’t want to face it? Would you rather spend your life pretending to be someone that you're not, pretending to feel something that you don't, as if your happy? I see so much of that out there.. Granted, we are experiencing the most powerful shift that has ever taken place and more and more people are refusing to settle for mediocrity… but I still want to put this out into the universe. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE OUT THERE. There is! And inside…more than you could imagine. And it's all there for you. I've caught glimpses of this "more." Some have been longer than others, but they happen none the less and its real, this infinite universe, its real.
My heart goes out to those who fear this universe…fear the unknown, fear their purpose, their life. You are not alone. I'm right there with you…but if we could just STOP doing....just stop, for a moment...and realize that we are sooooo beautiful. We are incredible. Every single person. Just the fact that you are alive, breathing your existence into this earth, sculpting what we call life, is a miracle. I mean our lives are NOT an accident, come on. Seriously? Over 7 billion people are alive and each one of us is functioning in our own way, with our own thoughts, and our own soul. How? How is this real? Look up at the stars and tell me that that’s not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Feel your heart beat and just acknowledge the fact that it's beating on its own. And your body...your body is taking care of you. It loves you...and it wants to be loved in return. It's time we start loving ourselves.
If we took a few more minutes out of our day to stop and observe the miracle that is life, if we said thank you just a few more times, if we let ourselves be… wow, that would be so freeing. It would be like a big weight has been lifted off of our hearts because life wouldn't be such a burden in that moment.
Worry gets in the way of appreciating the moment. I catch myself worrying about the future a lot and what might happen, and I think about the past and who I was, even though I’m not that person anymore. What good does that do me? What good does that do you because I know you do it too. The past has already happened and there is nothing you can do about it ...and the future will happen the way its meant to happen and there is nothing you can do about it…or is there?
We worry because we are guilty. Guilty of not living our life to its highest potential. We worry because we know the universe isn't going to support us when we are half assing everything, we worry because we are running out of time to impress everyone, we worry…because we know we are not doing whats good for us, whats good for our soul. And while we may continue to think that we worry because that’s what you're supposed to do, deep deep down, we know that's not the truth. Everyone does. So its time to make a change and feed your hungry hungry spirit...and if you think you're already feeding it…feed it some more. More love, affirmations and gratitude. Tell yourself your good enough because you are. Tell yourself you're good enough because you don't want to find yourself somewhere down the road wondering where your life and your dreams went.
This summer I fearfully followed my dreams and my heart and I set on a journey to find my tribe. To find those who have the same vision as me and are ready to take disciplined steps towards self healing so that they can actualize their hearts desires. To find those who genuinely accept me for who I am, as I am. And well I found them, and I also found a lot of myself that I honestly did not want to find. Here I am with these beautiful people who are looking into my soul unlike ever before…and I AM TERRIFIED. Whyyyyy am I terrified? And that’s when it hit me. I really do not love myself as much as I thought, or even as much as I was pretending...I cant quite seem to get me to be myself…as a matter of fact I don’t even know who I am.. All of my experiences, all of my relationships have sculpted this personality that I desperately cling to, but for what? What am I really holding onto? Anything of value? Is my ego really worth it? Or should I just let it go.
And that’s when everything fell apart…and I got really scared. How do I even let go? Is that even possible? I've been holding on so tight for so long. How do I define myself now? But that defeated the whole purpose… I don’t need to define myself! And neither do you... for anyone or anything.
Shit just kept falling apart because my reality was being shattered…over and over again. By me, by these new energies, these new people, this new music, this new vibration. I wasn't quite attuned to it yet. Where did it all come from and why isn't the entire world like this? These are happy, spirited people. I caught myself thinking "I want to be like them," and my insecurities took an even deeper turn. I was back at where I started with a longing to be outside of myself, feeling unworthy. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you find yourself continuing to cling to that belief, the belief that you're unworthy; its safe and its what you know. And the longer you cling to that safety zone, the more scared you become of the world because all you know is your limited experiences. The ones that traumatize you and keep you trapped in your own box, while your soul continues to crave more. More exploration and risk... its longing for it. It wants adventure and freedom. It wants to fly…and well how can it do that if its holding onto to something?
I encourage you to allow yourself to float where you're meant to be and let your spirit catch a wave out to sea, not on the shore, because you deserve so much more. Take a dive, go on a ride, let yourself feel alive. It doesn't matter what anyone says, don’t let things go to your head, be in your heart, when you live there, it cant fall apart. Its all connected and we've all been misdirected, so now its time to dig deep and break free from the herd of sheep. Be someone different, make something new, and please stay true to you. Find your passion, express your art, give yourself space for fresh starts. its not about being smart, its about being wise, and using those eyes to feel others soul, don’t judge them by what you don’t know.
We create dissonance by clinging to the old, we create pain by fitting into the mold, and though we don’t know it, we are all one, and although we don’t know it, we all hold a sun, that sits in the center, a sun we can enter at anytime. This sun, it can glow if we let it, and when we feel like we have nothing, don’t forget it, because this is the true essence of you, this is the part that you never knew. when everything is said and done and there is no more “anything anymore” your sun will still be shining at the core of the universe, and you will have many rhythms left, your breath will be gone but now you can feel your infinite nature, you can feel your worth being something more than paper. You wont question it, it will feel so right and your whole existence will be a moment of flight, so when you get all worked up about this physical life, and your heart hurts, and you've forgotten your light…no worries, no hurries, your existence is eternal and in one time or another you will never yearn for another thing, everything will sing, wrong wont be a song, and you wont even know your “gone” because you will always be here and life wont be something to fear. Words will cease to exist and the harmony of the heavens will drift through your love, in between the below and the above, and the feeling of being is more than enough.
Why cant we bring this world to the now? What are we waiting for, we already know how? Love and let everything else fall. Love and let down the walls. Lets create a judgment free zone so that anywhere we go can be our home. Lets open our arms up, lets trust each other again, but first we must start in our own skin, so lets love every cell and transform our self proclaimed hell. Enter into the flow and you will grow taller than your highest dreams, together we can rip this reality by the seams, the guts of the truth pouring out, now we know what this is all about…
Evolution and change, its an endless range of paths and souls who are trying to grow in whatever way they know how, even if their going backwards, times getting faster, and pain is slowing down, happiness will soon take the crown and reign over all, things are going to take a fall, and from ruins we will build the world in which want to live, love and give… unconditionally, and receive endlessly because it feels so damn good. We can relax, things are perfectly in tact and I know exactly who I am, I don’t have to question it, I don’t need any fans, I have myself, I know my worth I know my wealth, I know I'm capable of the impossible and it seems probable that my imagination will become a reality and my existence wont be a duality and I can share that with you, and soon a few will turn into a lot, before you know it well have a full parking lot, or 4 or ten, and soon well want to start all over again, the people, the world, all of the parking lots will be full! Or maybe we join together in the trees, it would be more fun with the bees, wed be on the ground, with our hands on the earth, and well give her respect and put her first. Well nourish her children, and watch them grow, and let them teach us what we don’t know. Story telling will be filled with magic, and love wont be so tragic. Things are simple, well have basic needs, and the freedom to choose as we please. everyone's the same in the highest good and in the name of spirit. We listen and we can hear it, the whisper of the wind, the darkest sides of sin…but…we integrate, transmuting that hate into positive energy, were working in synergy, forgiveness is key, gratitude is to be….noooooow can you see where I'm going and do you want to come along because I don’t want to be wrong, and oh there's my ego talking, and I'm going to keep stalking it until it leaves...in the meantime, this is what I got, this is me.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
this is just what i needed
i want stars to light up my dark
i want to see who we are cause i still don't seem to know
i want scars to peel this happiness so that i can let myself grow
like a snake shedding its old skin I'm still trying to see where i fit in
my pain echoes in the chambers of my soul
and just when i feel like i know…
i forget to breathe
i forget to believe
i somehow manage to get by
some days i don't want to try
sometimes i just want to cry
and most days i ask why
i am here
why
you are near
why
did this tear stream down my cheek
why do i feel so weak
why do i hurt so bad
why have i been getting mad
whats really going on
am i right or wrong
am i left with nothing?
or will i have something to call mine
am i running out of time or just from myself?
blah….. I've lost myself
and myselfs lost me
i don't know where i should be
my mind is going crazy
my heart is beating so fast
i don't know how much longer i can last
I'm tired of hurt and I'm tired of pain
I'm tired of this stupid game
i don't want to win anymore
i don't want to begin anymore
i just want it all to end
i just want to mend my broken heart
i just want to heal through my art
i just want to to sing my own song
thats all I've wanted for so long
im scared of the future because i don't know what it brings
but thats why i do these things
it takes me out of my comfort zone
it makes me hone into my inner peace
attaining it wherever i please
now can i please just do what i want
be where i want?
hear what i want?
dance and prance how i want?
can i look say eat feel be what i want?
im tired of trying
im tired of lying
to myself and everyone around me
I'm tired of being bullied by my own emotions
dark oceans are crashing down on me
could it be that I'm drowning in my own misery?
could i be that i don't know me as well as i thought i did?
could it be that i need to forgive...
more
and remember what I'm giving for
theres more in me than i think there is
and i need to stop questioning what that is
you'd think it would be so easy
you'd think my flaws wouldn't freeze me...
but they do
and I'm trying to be ok with that.
I'm trying to not look back
i want to move forward, i want to grow
but all i hear is everyone's no's
so what is it that you want to stop me from?
what is it that you want me to become?
a little more like you and a lot less like me?
the thing you don't know is I've set myself free
from the limits of my mind
from the constraints of time
from the hate and greed that used to suffocate me
floater and wanderer i may be
but i have the whole world to see
why see it later when now is already here?
and why let yourself be consumed by fear?
why not explore your own inner workings?
why not figure out what isn't working…
and let it go
and let yourself flow with the rhythm of life
damn it feels so nice when i don't resist
feels so nice when I don't have to bend and twist to the demands of others,
only my own
then i can finally feel at home
safe in my own skin
not afraid to let anyone in
no walls, no ego
it is then that we know
how to
let
love
in.
Monday, April 15, 2013
life keeps movin on...so stay strong
-->
N
It saddens me to see
all of those who are lost out at sea,
Swimming in an
illusion of anger, hate, and greed as our souls cry out to be set free.
Why is it that we
hide our pain?
Why is it that we
insist were not all the same?
My heart is hurting
and I want to remind everyone that they are worthy of love.
I feel lost too, but
it’s just a test to see what we’re made of.
If you can find it in
you, then I can find it in me to believe in the destiny of our heart, the
destiny of our art.
The expression of
what we hide so deep inside.
Please, just let
yourself cry.
There is no you or
me,
There is only one,
And our being is
brought into existence through the reflection of the sun.
Take a moment and
close your eyes.
Breathe
in deeply
&
Remember
why…
You
Are
Here.
To release yourself
of all your fears.
Once we let ourselves
go it is then that we truly know
WHO
WE
ARE
And well…
Your guts came from
the stars.
So relax and breathe
in one more time.
Let
Your
Body
U
N
W
IN
D
And melt.
And remind yourself….
That you are worthy of
everything you dream of.
So follow your heart
and it will
G L
U Y T O
I O O
V
D
U E
E
In everything you do,
in everything you pursue.
As long as you stay
true to yourself
There will be nothing
else
But
Joy.
<3
Monday, January 28, 2013
Wandering Through My Wonder
I ponder if people wonder about the same things I wonder about.
I wonder if they secretly wander into the deepest parts of their doubt.
Do you wish to be a tree?
Do you wish to live under the sea?
Do you imagine the wind blowing through your branches, pulling your leaves apart?
Do you imagine being rooted in yourself and uncovering the layers of your heart?
I wonder if others wish to release all of their judgements like me.
I wonder if they want so badly to tear their walls down and set themselves free.
Where do thoughts go if you never face them?
And what happens to them if you embrace them?
I wonder if they secretly wander into the deepest parts of their doubt.
Do you wish to be a tree?
Do you wish to live under the sea?
Do you imagine the wind blowing through your branches, pulling your leaves apart?
Do you imagine being rooted in yourself and uncovering the layers of your heart?
I wonder if others wish to release all of their judgements like me.
I wonder if they want so badly to tear their walls down and set themselves free.
Where do thoughts go if you never face them?
And what happens to them if you embrace them?
Monday, January 14, 2013
Awaken Your Soul
We are consciousness expressing itself through a physical manifestation of love and an infinite dance of beauty. We are limiting ourselves by putting our worth in paper (money, diplomas, etc.) and by measuring our capabilities with time. We are not prescription drugs, or confined schooling or implants; we are not labor and unhappiness and suffering; the problem is we've come to believe that we are these "things" and that we need all of these "things" to shape ourselves and our future, but we don't. They only prolong our misery, helping us to become comfortably numb with what we call "life." Our biggest problem is that we excuse ourselves by accepting that "this is just life, it's just the human condition." No!That's not life! That's how we've made life, and that's how we've made ourselves.
Not many of us have the guts to face ourselves anymore. To face the deepest, darkest shadows of our soul, for fear of what we may see, the judgments we may make against ourselves, the guilt we may feel; so sadly, we live out a life of strange, never ending despair and confusion. It's "easier" that way, right? Finding yourself is frowned upon, a waste of time. Self-reflection and introspection are considered vacation now, and we're automatically labeled as an outkast if we DARE to be different, SO...most of us on this earth don't step out of our comfort zones for the ultimate fear of what others might say. Well, who cares what others say?!?!
The only person who is going to regret your life is YOU. So while everyones busy externalizing their regrets on you because they can't take responsibility for their own life and the creation of their reality, I BEG you to go FIND YOURSELF. Find what you love, what lights the fire in your heart so much that the passion takes over your entire being. So much so that the bullshit your brain wants to feed to your heart doesn't matter, because you finally know what it feels like to truly be alive. FIND OUT so that you don't have to look back at your life one day and wonder what you could have done different.
We need people to change this world right now. We - this earth and every single human inhabiting it - need you to stand up for what you believe in. FIGHT. Fight for your right to express yourself. Fight for your right to be genuinely happy and healthy. Fight for your right to LOVE yourself and everyone around you. Fight for your righ to know the truth. If we don't fight, we fail, and that's NOT an option, so go on an adventure and let yourself go. Awaken your soul.
It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt, and you're going to cry and kick and scream, but your also going to laugh harder than you've ever laughed before, you'll meet the most beautiful people and see the most beautiful things. You'll experience a side of yourself that you didn't think existed, a side of love and compassion and warmth. You'll understand the feeling of staring into someone's eyes, only to see your own divine self reflected back to you. You'll feel beautiful. You are going to FEEEL. Not pain; joy, not envy; honor. And you know what? At the end of the day, your words can't hurt more than their lies, so speak your truth, no matter what anyone says to you, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, because if it feels right, than it is right. Yea the truth hurts, but only temporarily, until it blooms into something much sweeter. Lies on the other hand, will haunt you forever. So please, let's put aside our pride and bring the child within us back to life. Be the change you want to see in the world so that we may live in harmony, happiness, and peace once again.
Not many of us have the guts to face ourselves anymore. To face the deepest, darkest shadows of our soul, for fear of what we may see, the judgments we may make against ourselves, the guilt we may feel; so sadly, we live out a life of strange, never ending despair and confusion. It's "easier" that way, right? Finding yourself is frowned upon, a waste of time. Self-reflection and introspection are considered vacation now, and we're automatically labeled as an outkast if we DARE to be different, SO...most of us on this earth don't step out of our comfort zones for the ultimate fear of what others might say. Well, who cares what others say?!?!
The only person who is going to regret your life is YOU. So while everyones busy externalizing their regrets on you because they can't take responsibility for their own life and the creation of their reality, I BEG you to go FIND YOURSELF. Find what you love, what lights the fire in your heart so much that the passion takes over your entire being. So much so that the bullshit your brain wants to feed to your heart doesn't matter, because you finally know what it feels like to truly be alive. FIND OUT so that you don't have to look back at your life one day and wonder what you could have done different.
We need people to change this world right now. We - this earth and every single human inhabiting it - need you to stand up for what you believe in. FIGHT. Fight for your right to express yourself. Fight for your right to be genuinely happy and healthy. Fight for your right to LOVE yourself and everyone around you. Fight for your righ to know the truth. If we don't fight, we fail, and that's NOT an option, so go on an adventure and let yourself go. Awaken your soul.
It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt, and you're going to cry and kick and scream, but your also going to laugh harder than you've ever laughed before, you'll meet the most beautiful people and see the most beautiful things. You'll experience a side of yourself that you didn't think existed, a side of love and compassion and warmth. You'll understand the feeling of staring into someone's eyes, only to see your own divine self reflected back to you. You'll feel beautiful. You are going to FEEEL. Not pain; joy, not envy; honor. And you know what? At the end of the day, your words can't hurt more than their lies, so speak your truth, no matter what anyone says to you, SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, because if it feels right, than it is right. Yea the truth hurts, but only temporarily, until it blooms into something much sweeter. Lies on the other hand, will haunt you forever. So please, let's put aside our pride and bring the child within us back to life. Be the change you want to see in the world so that we may live in harmony, happiness, and peace once again.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Sometimes
I don't like to think I'm pretending, but
I guess that's what
It Is.
I don't like to think I'm writing this for anyone, but
I guess
I am.
I don't like to admit I'm scared, but
I know
I am.
I don't want to live in the future, but
I'm not always in
the present.
I know this earth is beautiful, but sometimes I wish I could just be
in heaven.
Will I become everything I know I can be?
Will I fulfill the dreams that I always see?
Somewhere in my heart space, will I tap into the essence of me?
I don't like to think of what couldn't be,
but how could I not?
I love remembering, but sometimes I wish I never forgot.
Writing is my life, but I usually dread the next line.
Words are everything to me,
but sometimes I wishh I didn't rhyme.
When I think about the Universe and where it is that I fit in,
I feel my heart explode with bliss,
I feel everything I have to give.
There's a difference between existing and living in your truth,
So close your eyes and take a step into your joyful youth.
Remember how it felt to run through the grass with your arms open wide?
Remember what it felt like to know the limit was the sky?
If we can find a way to take this state of mind,
then maybe we can unite ourselves and let our minds
unwind.
We all have a flame inside, a soul that's meant to fly free,
So listen to your heart when it tells you to just
BE.
Be who you are,
with no restraints,
questions
or
concerns.
Look right into your self.
It is there you will learn.
Anything and everything you've ever wanted to know.
Plant your love into others hearts and watch as their flowers, grow,
light your candle, then start a spark,
Watch how the world will glow.
I guess that's what
It Is.
I don't like to think I'm writing this for anyone, but
I guess
I am.
I don't like to admit I'm scared, but
I know
I am.
I don't want to live in the future, but
I'm not always in
the present.
I know this earth is beautiful, but sometimes I wish I could just be
in heaven.
Will I become everything I know I can be?
Will I fulfill the dreams that I always see?
Somewhere in my heart space, will I tap into the essence of me?
I don't like to think of what couldn't be,
but how could I not?
I love remembering, but sometimes I wish I never forgot.
Writing is my life, but I usually dread the next line.
Words are everything to me,
but sometimes I wishh I didn't rhyme.
When I think about the Universe and where it is that I fit in,
I feel my heart explode with bliss,
I feel everything I have to give.
There's a difference between existing and living in your truth,
So close your eyes and take a step into your joyful youth.
Remember how it felt to run through the grass with your arms open wide?
Remember what it felt like to know the limit was the sky?
If we can find a way to take this state of mind,
then maybe we can unite ourselves and let our minds
unwind.
We all have a flame inside, a soul that's meant to fly free,
So listen to your heart when it tells you to just
BE.
Be who you are,
with no restraints,
questions
or
concerns.
Look right into your self.
It is there you will learn.
Anything and everything you've ever wanted to know.
Plant your love into others hearts and watch as their flowers, grow,
light your candle, then start a spark,
Watch how the world will glow.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Spirituality is Being True to Yourself
Spirituality is not a standard or a set of rules or guidelines that you live by. It's not becoming a vegetarian, doing yoga, or meditating everyday. By conceptualizing these ideas, we limit and bind ourselves to everything that spirituality is not. There's no initiation to being "spiritual," no ritual. It is simply the
dedication to understanding yourself and life to the deepest depths, and
from this dedication stems the truths of the universe, the laws of love
that we were created to live with.
In understanding the many facets of life, we come to appreciate everything that life has to offer, everything it teaches us.
When we are able to understand ourselves, we are able to understand the universe, for they are one in the same. With this knowledge comes forgiveness, forgiveness of others misunderstandings and judgments, anger and hurt, coldness and fear, but most importantly, forgiveness of ourselves. Forgiveness of the judgments WE'VE made, the decisions we regret, the words we wish we never said. And then, with this forgiveness, comes love. Unconditional love. Love in knowing that every single expression of life is rooted in the latter, in knowing that that root blooms into itself, into love, from love, and will never cease to exist.
Being Spiritual doesn't mean that you are "happy" and "cheery" all of the time, or that nothing seems to phase you, because it sure as hell does. I used to believe this crap, and because of it I put myself down, thinking that if I'm spiritual, shouldn't I be on the same "level" of these other "spiritual" beings? Shouldn't I be able to rid myself of pain and fear because I "know" the supposed truth? Why am I still crying? Why can't I live what I know? Why do I still have an ego when I know that's not who I am? WHY do I still hurt so much? I let my mind eat my heart from the inside out until I realized the truth . . .
The truth is...you sure as hell do hurt, and you sure as hell do cry, and you will do so until YOU don't need to anymore and only you know when that is. Pain in the heart is usually a deep hurt, a hurt that takes time to let go of and heal. You should cry, you should scream, you should be angry. LET IT OUT. Just let yourself go, and know that when you are ready, and only when you are ready, your true self will be waiting for you in your heart, to actualize itself. Time isn't going anywhere, so be patient with yourself and you'll find the truth in that patience.
You'll understand that being "spiritual" is actually just trial and error for finding the truth, and the truth is whatever resonates with YOU. You'll feel it, you'll know it. You'll understand the movement and rhythm of life, and you won't be overwhelmed or overtaken by unpleasant circumstances that arise.
You'll understand the contrast of life within the oneness that it is. That pain brings life to pleasure, and that darkness is only there so that it may be lit up once again. Yes, emotions are transient and experiences are unexpected, but it's all a learning experience. Not knowing what's going to come next. Not knowing what the next piece might be to the seemingly never ending puzzle. That not-knowingness, infused with the essence of knowingness- that trust you feel towards the universe that everything is unfolding as it should- is what makes life so damn beautiful, because no matter what, life goes on, and you are still alive.
So throw yourself into the wind, trusting that life will carry you wherever you need to be, even if you have no idea where you are going.
In understanding the many facets of life, we come to appreciate everything that life has to offer, everything it teaches us.
When we are able to understand ourselves, we are able to understand the universe, for they are one in the same. With this knowledge comes forgiveness, forgiveness of others misunderstandings and judgments, anger and hurt, coldness and fear, but most importantly, forgiveness of ourselves. Forgiveness of the judgments WE'VE made, the decisions we regret, the words we wish we never said. And then, with this forgiveness, comes love. Unconditional love. Love in knowing that every single expression of life is rooted in the latter, in knowing that that root blooms into itself, into love, from love, and will never cease to exist.
Being Spiritual doesn't mean that you are "happy" and "cheery" all of the time, or that nothing seems to phase you, because it sure as hell does. I used to believe this crap, and because of it I put myself down, thinking that if I'm spiritual, shouldn't I be on the same "level" of these other "spiritual" beings? Shouldn't I be able to rid myself of pain and fear because I "know" the supposed truth? Why am I still crying? Why can't I live what I know? Why do I still have an ego when I know that's not who I am? WHY do I still hurt so much? I let my mind eat my heart from the inside out until I realized the truth . . .
The truth is...you sure as hell do hurt, and you sure as hell do cry, and you will do so until YOU don't need to anymore and only you know when that is. Pain in the heart is usually a deep hurt, a hurt that takes time to let go of and heal. You should cry, you should scream, you should be angry. LET IT OUT. Just let yourself go, and know that when you are ready, and only when you are ready, your true self will be waiting for you in your heart, to actualize itself. Time isn't going anywhere, so be patient with yourself and you'll find the truth in that patience.
You'll understand that being "spiritual" is actually just trial and error for finding the truth, and the truth is whatever resonates with YOU. You'll feel it, you'll know it. You'll understand the movement and rhythm of life, and you won't be overwhelmed or overtaken by unpleasant circumstances that arise.
You'll understand the contrast of life within the oneness that it is. That pain brings life to pleasure, and that darkness is only there so that it may be lit up once again. Yes, emotions are transient and experiences are unexpected, but it's all a learning experience. Not knowing what's going to come next. Not knowing what the next piece might be to the seemingly never ending puzzle. That not-knowingness, infused with the essence of knowingness- that trust you feel towards the universe that everything is unfolding as it should- is what makes life so damn beautiful, because no matter what, life goes on, and you are still alive.
So throw yourself into the wind, trusting that life will carry you wherever you need to be, even if you have no idea where you are going.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Oh Life, What Are You?
I've decided to just make a list of some questions/observations I've had lately (with some possible answers). My intentions aren't to offend, just interested in hearing others' points of view. Feel free to comment on here with your possible answers or you can send me an email at bergerjenna@yahoo.com ! peacee to yall <3333
*Christians/Catholics believe that God judges you based on whether you've been good or bad enough to go to "heaven" or "hell." What I wonder is what if going to "hell" is really just us reincarnating on earth (what we now think is hell) until we've finished our karmic cycle and then were able to go to heaven? Heaven being the higher dimensions from which we originally come, our natural state, our "comfort zone.. What if our souls made plans & contracts with God, Source, Spirit to learn certain life lessons and until we've truly learned them and allowed our I AM presence (true spirit) to actualize, we're not yet ready to graduate from this cosmic classroom?
*So I was thinking about Christianity/Catholicism (CC) compared to Buddhism, and I wondered why CC views God as greater than us or of an essence that we are not. If God is everything and we were created in his image then wouldn't we be the children of his art?
Buddhists believe that the God is within you as well as without, that there is no separation of all that is, and all that is is bound to the laws of love, so I came up with an analogy to try explain why giving your power away (feeling inferior to God) seems silly.
Buddhists believe that the God is within you as well as without, that there is no separation of all that is, and all that is is bound to the laws of love, so I came up with an analogy to try explain why giving your power away (feeling inferior to God) seems silly.
- So you have a painter who painted a painting. The Painter isn't greater than the painting and the painting isn't greater than the painter, they are both just the essence of the same thing in different forms. The painter holds the emotion of his work within and unveils it as a piece of art without, taking nothing away from the emotion, just merely expressing it, like I said, in a different form.
*What if we are an experiment? (which I think we are) What if Adam & Eve were the beginning and God gave them the option to eat from the tree of knowledge (although he warned them not to) just to see what would happen? What if we are the results :)
*According to Christianity and Catholicism (I believe, correct me if I'm wrong), God is all forgiving and after you die you stand before God in a time of judgement, asking for forgiveness for your sins, and if you don't, you are sent to hell, but if God is all forgiving then wouldn't he forgive you for not asking for forgiveness?
*Again, according to Christianity and Catholicism, you can be eternally damned and perished. What I want to know is why God would ever express himself as something that can be eternally damned ? (since God is everything)
Anyways, only a few more days until the Christ Consciousness - the knowing of the true self & embodiment of love- is activated. It's about time we allow our lives to unfold as they should.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Step Into Your Heart and out of Your Mind
Love is not a source from without, love is a source from within.
Reach to the deepest depths of your soul and find the core of your being where your truth resides.
There's no need to try and lie to yourself.
We're playing this game of hide and go seek where we see how far we can separate ourselves from ourselves, until one day we snap back into the actual reality of who we are and remember that this pain we feel is not real.
We wanted to have this experience on earth because it shows us what duality and polarity and physicality and everything in between is.
We are eternal beings who decided to put eternity on hold to create an illusory relationship with time.
What is time really?
Alan Watts said, "Time is a measure of a rate of change."
It's a bunch of numbers thrown on a piece of plastic or metal or wood to judge how quickly or how slowly we are manifesting things in our life, and we use these judgments to criticize and ridicule each other.
Kind of like money.
An energy exchange put in paper so that we have a way to categorize each other.
So we can feel "better" than everyone else, or secretly lower.
We've decided to trade our souls for paper and clocks and everything we're not.
But I think it's so beautiful that we've spent our lives so invested in something that we thought would make us happy because that's all we really want at the end of the day.
Genuine happiness.
It's incredible that they've (and I'll leave it up to your imagination on who "they" are) succeeded in encouraging us to fall for this illusion and that we've victimized ourselves by following along as they nudged us to give ourselves up so that we might be able to possess this illusion.
But it cannot be possessed because it does not exist.
And now the time has come for us to realize that the only existence is ourselves.
We are all connected, we are all one, and we all exist throughout and within each other.
There is no separation and no "other."
There is just you and the reflection of yourself found within every crevice and corner of the infinite universe.
We are stepping out of the Age of Pisces and into the Age of Aquarius.
For thousands of years now we've been like fish out of water, uncomfortable in our own skin, trapped in our own "home," suffering without repose.
We've been thirsty for knowledge, but overcome with confusion.
We've been running around looking outside of ourselves, trying to exceed our own capacity by stepping out of our own hearts, but in doing so we've relentlessly given our power away.
So now, as we step into the Age of Aquarius - the water bearer- we return home.
We return home and remember how to swim effortlessly through the ocean of our own being.
Reach to the deepest depths of your soul and find the core of your being where your truth resides.
There's no need to try and lie to yourself.
We're playing this game of hide and go seek where we see how far we can separate ourselves from ourselves, until one day we snap back into the actual reality of who we are and remember that this pain we feel is not real.
We wanted to have this experience on earth because it shows us what duality and polarity and physicality and everything in between is.
We are eternal beings who decided to put eternity on hold to create an illusory relationship with time.
What is time really?
Alan Watts said, "Time is a measure of a rate of change."
It's a bunch of numbers thrown on a piece of plastic or metal or wood to judge how quickly or how slowly we are manifesting things in our life, and we use these judgments to criticize and ridicule each other.
Kind of like money.
An energy exchange put in paper so that we have a way to categorize each other.
So we can feel "better" than everyone else, or secretly lower.
We've decided to trade our souls for paper and clocks and everything we're not.
But I think it's so beautiful that we've spent our lives so invested in something that we thought would make us happy because that's all we really want at the end of the day.
Genuine happiness.
It's incredible that they've (and I'll leave it up to your imagination on who "they" are) succeeded in encouraging us to fall for this illusion and that we've victimized ourselves by following along as they nudged us to give ourselves up so that we might be able to possess this illusion.
But it cannot be possessed because it does not exist.
And now the time has come for us to realize that the only existence is ourselves.
We are all connected, we are all one, and we all exist throughout and within each other.
There is no separation and no "other."
There is just you and the reflection of yourself found within every crevice and corner of the infinite universe.
We are stepping out of the Age of Pisces and into the Age of Aquarius.
For thousands of years now we've been like fish out of water, uncomfortable in our own skin, trapped in our own "home," suffering without repose.
We've been thirsty for knowledge, but overcome with confusion.
We've been running around looking outside of ourselves, trying to exceed our own capacity by stepping out of our own hearts, but in doing so we've relentlessly given our power away.
So now, as we step into the Age of Aquarius - the water bearer- we return home.
We return home and remember how to swim effortlessly through the ocean of our own being.
Namaste and much love every one <3
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Feels So Good
It feels good to give your heart a hug
Its like the lonely teenager who just wants some attention and love
Someone who will listen to them and not judge
A care free love with a warm embrace
A spirit of one who sees past the face
Value of things are not always what they seem
and if you loosen your mind you'll pull at the seams
of the universe and all of its mystery
A history written with no beginning and no end
What if you could be your own friend?
Accept and understand the being within
What if you could ignite that passion in your heart?
Have a fresh start?
What if you could wipe away your past?
Would you hold on to it or let it pass?
Can you feel that in your heart?
Will you listen to it and express its art?
It feels good to give yourself what you want
It feels good to let go of the fear that taunts
Your darkest night
Where faith seems to be nowhere in sight
When you break your walls down
and you let your tears fall down
When you let your blood pour itself all over your pain
and feel every ounce of who you used to be drain
Only then can you touch the sky.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Wish Upon a Star
I'm sitting here and I'm just thinking about how beautiful life is. Every breath I inhale even more of the essence of my being and now I'm seeing life for what it really is. So what is it really? Are you open to receive the love infused in my words or will the truth hurt, just like everything else? Either way, its perfect. Either way its exactly how it's meant to be at this very moment. That being said, what if you could make your next moment even better? What if you could remember the goodness of a moment and carry it over into the next? What if you could choose how to feel? What you want? Where you want to be? What would you choose? Sit there and think about it for a moment... you might even make a wish. Don't worry, no ones watching.
If you could wish for anything, what would it be? And be specific, dont be shy, nothings impossible. Imagine that wish coming true. What does it look like? What does it taste and smell like? What colors are there? How do you feel? Bring the moment to life in your mind so that you can manifest this moment in real life, or, something even better. The more energy we spend imagining our wildest dreams and wishes, the more likely they are to come true. The more energy we spend on thinking about what we dont have, and what we hate, and what we dont want any more of, the less likely we are to achieve our dreams.
The truth is, we can choose whatever we want, however we want our moment to be, good or bad. We are in control of ourselves and that is all so why not take advantage of it? We are our own vehicle, but many of us have become stagnant in movement because we've forgotten that we are the driver, so step on the gas and follow your path. You are it. Everything you've imagined. Everything you've ever wanted. So unwrap everything that you are and choose to remember that this is YOUR life, no one else's, and you can do whatever you wish. You are the star of your own movie and you can have whatever you want because it's all about you.
Law of attraction. Its that simple. Your thoughts manifest your reality. If you think the world is awful, and my mom hates me, and my job sucks, then thats what you'll see, thats what you'll get. Being a female, of course I've had a few things to say about others (its just in our conditioned behavior patterns), so when I would start to focus on the "negative" qualities in a person, then that's all I would be able to see and then I would focus on those qualities even more until I couldn't see anything but that "negativity" in that person. You see we get trapped in this subconscious thought pattern that continues to loop around itself and we dont even realize it. We've become comfortably numb with everything. Pain is normal. Prescription drugs fix everything. School is necessary. Money makes you happy. Life is all about dealing with the suffering. No! This is wrong.
It's beautiful that we've all lived our lives up to now in the best way we know how, expressing ourselves and our love to the best of our ability, but what if we could understand that this is not in our true nature? We are not meant to be boxed up in class rooms where people tells us what to study and what to learn and how to be "successful" and "happy." Education is beautiful, but what is the point of it if we don't even know anything about ourselves? Shouldn't that be our top priority?
Why do we spend so much energy consuming our minds with other peoples opinions when we know them not to be true? Why do we believe everything that everyone else tells us, but we dont listen to what our own heart is trying to tell us? It's easier that way. It's easier to fade into the crowd and give into everyones wants and needs. It's easier to deplete your energy by giving yourself away to others. That way they never question you, that way they never attack you. It's just easier to keep your mouth shut so that others will keep their mouths shut as well. But what if we gave ourselves a challenge and viewed it as fun and exciting? What if we tested ourselves to speak our truth and express our individuality? What if we dared ourselves to do what we've always wanted to do?... and then did it.
The only person who is going to regret your life is YOU. Everyone is busy regretting what they didn't do and the choices they shouldn't have made, so it wouldn't be fair if you actually lived out your life the way you wanted to. Don't let these people bring you down, let them inspire you and show you what you who you are not. Take responsibility for your actions and the situations you come across and know that you can change them at any time. We get so stuck on looking at what's behind us, so we can never move forward. Let go. Just let it go because it's gone. It can't be changed, but your moment can be, so choose how you want your moment to feel and maybe you can live in that moment forever.
Law of attraction. Its that simple. Your thoughts manifest your reality. If you think the world is awful, and my mom hates me, and my job sucks, then thats what you'll see, thats what you'll get. Being a female, of course I've had a few things to say about others (its just in our conditioned behavior patterns), so when I would start to focus on the "negative" qualities in a person, then that's all I would be able to see and then I would focus on those qualities even more until I couldn't see anything but that "negativity" in that person. You see we get trapped in this subconscious thought pattern that continues to loop around itself and we dont even realize it. We've become comfortably numb with everything. Pain is normal. Prescription drugs fix everything. School is necessary. Money makes you happy. Life is all about dealing with the suffering. No! This is wrong.
It's beautiful that we've all lived our lives up to now in the best way we know how, expressing ourselves and our love to the best of our ability, but what if we could understand that this is not in our true nature? We are not meant to be boxed up in class rooms where people tells us what to study and what to learn and how to be "successful" and "happy." Education is beautiful, but what is the point of it if we don't even know anything about ourselves? Shouldn't that be our top priority?
Why do we spend so much energy consuming our minds with other peoples opinions when we know them not to be true? Why do we believe everything that everyone else tells us, but we dont listen to what our own heart is trying to tell us? It's easier that way. It's easier to fade into the crowd and give into everyones wants and needs. It's easier to deplete your energy by giving yourself away to others. That way they never question you, that way they never attack you. It's just easier to keep your mouth shut so that others will keep their mouths shut as well. But what if we gave ourselves a challenge and viewed it as fun and exciting? What if we tested ourselves to speak our truth and express our individuality? What if we dared ourselves to do what we've always wanted to do?... and then did it.
The only person who is going to regret your life is YOU. Everyone is busy regretting what they didn't do and the choices they shouldn't have made, so it wouldn't be fair if you actually lived out your life the way you wanted to. Don't let these people bring you down, let them inspire you and show you what you who you are not. Take responsibility for your actions and the situations you come across and know that you can change them at any time. We get so stuck on looking at what's behind us, so we can never move forward. Let go. Just let it go because it's gone. It can't be changed, but your moment can be, so choose how you want your moment to feel and maybe you can live in that moment forever.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Everything is not as it Seems, We are Just Lost in a Beautiful Dream
It's amazing the things were taught to believe from the start of our physical existence. People always telling you that the world doesn't revolve around you, but it does, and if we were able to accept that and allow it to revolve us instead of blocking its movement, we'd find that inner peace that were constantly seeking. If we let the world revolve around ourselves like we should, we would be doing everything we love, everything we desire, everything we dream of, everything we've ever wanted and more, and in doing these things we would radiate all of that good energy, all of that happiness and security out into our external world.
The world revolving around you is the most selfless movement. It's our innate nature as human BEings to express ourselves through love in everything we do, to give and receive, to service our brothers and sisters, to appreciate everyone for what their world brings into ours, to allow our worlds to mold together into one beautiful masterpiece, rather than resist the oneness that is everything, so in letting our world revolve around ourselves we allow the consciousness of everything to revolve around itself; love.
The idea of disconnection is only in our minds. Our realities are a manifestation of our thoughts, so in convincing ourselves that were disconnected, we "disconnect" ourselves and forget, not lose, the truth of our experience on this planet. We are each the center of the universe, starting at the very core of our hearts and expanding outwards into the infinite nothingness of life. We are one eternal consciousness, expressing itself differently through billions of physical bodies, either remaining stagnant in a world we hate, or allowing ourselves to unfold into everything we already are. We don't have to do anything to be where we want to be, we are already there, always.
Every single being on this planet is the key component to life, for if anything that is in place right now was out of place, we wouldn't exist. God, the source, love, whatever you want to call it, is just expressing itself through us, as itself. We are just as much a part of the source as the source is a part of itself. There is no difference between us and the source. We are it. We don't need to look outside of ourselves for answers anymore because they are all within. All of this time we've been searching, on the hunt for answers, for excuses, distractions, anything to justify our severance from ourselves, but this doesn't make sense to us anymore. We don't have to be consumed by fear and doubt, we don't have to hurt anymore, because its only been ourselves hurting ourselves this entire time, no one else, so we have the ability to heal ourselves as well. And this is the beautiful part of pain.
As chaotic as some may view the world, as much hate as you may think you see on this planet and the people around you, its only because you see that hate in yourself. When you love something and you know its purpose, it grows, so love yourself, love who you are, not who you are not, because you are already everything you wish to be, you just have to let yourself believe it. We have the power to do anything we want. Theres no longer a need to give our power away or to search for our power from something or someone outside of ourselves because we will not find it there. The only place we will find our power is in our hearts. Our hearts are all connected to each other in a beautiful rainbow matrix.
There's no gap from one person to the next. This space that we've created between each other does not exist. Because we can't see or feel this space, this nothingness, our fear consumed souls resist its nutrients, its beauty, its security. Just like a fish in water, the air is our ocean of unlimited possibilities in which we have the ability to let the current of our own spirit take us away into love. The planet, mother earth, is our root, and we are the trees. In order to grow, we need to nurture and love ourselves, provide ourselves with delicious water and nutrients, and then watch as our leaves and branches blow effortlessly in the wind, as father sky makes his presence known.
There's no gap from one person to the next. This space that we've created between each other does not exist. Because we can't see or feel this space, this nothingness, our fear consumed souls resist its nutrients, its beauty, its security. Just like a fish in water, the air is our ocean of unlimited possibilities in which we have the ability to let the current of our own spirit take us away into love. The planet, mother earth, is our root, and we are the trees. In order to grow, we need to nurture and love ourselves, provide ourselves with delicious water and nutrients, and then watch as our leaves and branches blow effortlessly in the wind, as father sky makes his presence known.
The mother and the father work harmoniously to give us everything we need, everything we've ever wanted, now all we have to do is open ourselves up to receive. Let their magic encompass your entire being, let them fill you with their wisdom, with their healing touch. Watch and learn as they perfectly balance the masculine and femininity of life. Allow yourself to consume the role of the female and listen to your emotions, your intuition, your heart; let yourself cry if you need to. Let yourself feel. Just feel and be ok with whatever ever it is that you are feeling. In fighting off what we think we don't want, we only attract more of that into our life. Let go. Just let go and know that you always have the loving support of your mother underneath your feet and the wisdom and courage from the father sky within you at every moment. Take on the Masculine aspect of yourself and go after what you want. Take action. Believe. Create. Let the prana, your breath, your life force, flow up and down your chakras, filling you with its infinite knowledge. Let your star shine from within, lighting up your path, your purpose.
Let yourself be yourself and watch as your life unfolds into a beautiful dream.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Sticky Business
I'm stuck.
And I'm having trouble overcoming being stuck because I feel guilty for it
Which makes me stick even more to the stuck that I'm stuck on
And that's nothing really except for the ideas I mold in my mind
And the amount of suns that have passed through time
And entered the portal of the immortal ones where energy exists through a divine rhyme of love and only love,
Nothing below and nothing above,
And I know this to be so, so why am I still so stuck on what I do and dont know?
Why won't I allow myself to let go of the possession of my brain,
It's driving me insane,
The possession of the game I've been playing all along
I want to sing my own song and move along no matter how long it takes,
The stakes are high and I'm running low and I feel like I have nowhere to go,
But the corners of my box that I've been trapped into
And jokes on me because I fell for all these silly little things that have dangled me by a string and conformed me into fear, hurting...
Those who I truly hold dear are nowhere near me now
And I keep asking how I let myself wander out so far when I've never lost sight of the north star
I know where I'm going so why don't I just go that way
I know which way the wind is blowing so why don't I just let it take me away,
And float miraculously in the sea of the sky, The eye of the I,
It's me and my fight battling against itself,
Holding onto its "wealth" of egotism.
Not being given any emotion,
Just being thrown into an ocean at a young age with nothing to gage or nothing to trade for your life Or the knife that you feel in your heart
And it's only the start of this so called life
And i wonder if I've already lost a lot of it,
But I don't even know what it is
I don't even know what I am.
Am I a man or a female
Or a squirrel
Or an alien
Or a normal one
Or a weird, queer one who sucks her thumb and stares into an empty space of misfortune and distaste for the food she's been fed through thought
And who woulda thought it would have such an impact
And stay in tact until it can't be beat down
But placed into the ground with the foundation broken
And the wound still open.
And I'm having trouble overcoming being stuck because I feel guilty for it
Which makes me stick even more to the stuck that I'm stuck on
And that's nothing really except for the ideas I mold in my mind
And the amount of suns that have passed through time
And entered the portal of the immortal ones where energy exists through a divine rhyme of love and only love,
Nothing below and nothing above,
And I know this to be so, so why am I still so stuck on what I do and dont know?
Why won't I allow myself to let go of the possession of my brain,
It's driving me insane,
The possession of the game I've been playing all along
I want to sing my own song and move along no matter how long it takes,
The stakes are high and I'm running low and I feel like I have nowhere to go,
But the corners of my box that I've been trapped into
And jokes on me because I fell for all these silly little things that have dangled me by a string and conformed me into fear, hurting...
Those who I truly hold dear are nowhere near me now
And I keep asking how I let myself wander out so far when I've never lost sight of the north star
I know where I'm going so why don't I just go that way
I know which way the wind is blowing so why don't I just let it take me away,
And float miraculously in the sea of the sky, The eye of the I,
It's me and my fight battling against itself,
Holding onto its "wealth" of egotism.
Not being given any emotion,
Just being thrown into an ocean at a young age with nothing to gage or nothing to trade for your life Or the knife that you feel in your heart
And it's only the start of this so called life
And i wonder if I've already lost a lot of it,
But I don't even know what it is
I don't even know what I am.
Am I a man or a female
Or a squirrel
Or an alien
Or a normal one
Or a weird, queer one who sucks her thumb and stares into an empty space of misfortune and distaste for the food she's been fed through thought
And who woulda thought it would have such an impact
And stay in tact until it can't be beat down
But placed into the ground with the foundation broken
And the wound still open.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Sometimes Things Get Complicated
Before I post what I've written I just wanted To let my readers know that I've had a rough couple of days. Most of my blogs are extremely positive but this one is just raw emotion. The reason I'm posting it is because I want people to see that I hurt too and that it's ok to admit to it. Everyone hurts and bottling up that pain will only make you go insane. That being said, here it is...
I feel trapped, under attack, every minute every hour I feel a loss of power and I want to shower and drain all of this pain I hold inside all of these tendencies I hide and I try to disguise what's going on sometimes, but sometimes some time is too long to not feel strong, I've lost the will to go on. I feel my feet slip from under me and all I want to do is be set free, but I'm held captivity of my own mind of my own rhymes and it's about time I made a change, but change can just seem so strange and unfamiliar in known ways weeks turn into 100 days of guilt and blame and hurt and shame and everything in between that doesn't define the real me, but...
I let it consume me and control me I let it take a hold of me and everything I am and am not I hate to watch myself rot, but that's what I'm doing I'm putting off pursuing, I don't excuse myself from my excuses I'm abusive and judgmental, but only of myself and I create this hell where I feel my heart burning away into everything I don't want it to be I just want the world to see me for me and I know it's my fault that they don't and I don't point the finger at anyone else but myself, but I still can't tell you why...
Why I do the things I do and don't or won't or think I can't. I want something different, something new, I want to get through this now, but now seems too soon and now is all we have so I cant hide from it forever, but sometimes I wonder if I could because anythings possible and that scares me. What If I continue on forever with this undying wound in my heart what if I can never learn to start communicating better what If I just let her and him and everyone continue to beat me down until I'm so lost I can't be found. I want to stay around for awhile, but I'm trying too hard and it seems so far until I fall into the nothingness of all that is, my one question is...
Will it ever go away? I keep saying not today I'll save it for tomorrow, but tomorrow is just letting me borrow some more time, it's letting borrow more of something that's not mine or anyone's for that matter and matter doesn't matter either, what matters is love. So I continue to look to the skies above, feel the light, feel the dove, feel its peace put my pieces together for the better and whatever I go through at least I'm going and whatever I go through at least I'm knowing at least I'm aware and I don't stare at all the others staring at each other, too afraid to look themselves in the eye, too ashamed to ask why, why they lie, why they don't let themselves cry from time to time, but what's mine is yours so take these words and the infinite amount of love I hold and I hope you let your life unfold into it. Have a beautiful day everyone, much love.
I feel trapped, under attack, every minute every hour I feel a loss of power and I want to shower and drain all of this pain I hold inside all of these tendencies I hide and I try to disguise what's going on sometimes, but sometimes some time is too long to not feel strong, I've lost the will to go on. I feel my feet slip from under me and all I want to do is be set free, but I'm held captivity of my own mind of my own rhymes and it's about time I made a change, but change can just seem so strange and unfamiliar in known ways weeks turn into 100 days of guilt and blame and hurt and shame and everything in between that doesn't define the real me, but...
I let it consume me and control me I let it take a hold of me and everything I am and am not I hate to watch myself rot, but that's what I'm doing I'm putting off pursuing, I don't excuse myself from my excuses I'm abusive and judgmental, but only of myself and I create this hell where I feel my heart burning away into everything I don't want it to be I just want the world to see me for me and I know it's my fault that they don't and I don't point the finger at anyone else but myself, but I still can't tell you why...
Why I do the things I do and don't or won't or think I can't. I want something different, something new, I want to get through this now, but now seems too soon and now is all we have so I cant hide from it forever, but sometimes I wonder if I could because anythings possible and that scares me. What If I continue on forever with this undying wound in my heart what if I can never learn to start communicating better what If I just let her and him and everyone continue to beat me down until I'm so lost I can't be found. I want to stay around for awhile, but I'm trying too hard and it seems so far until I fall into the nothingness of all that is, my one question is...
Will it ever go away? I keep saying not today I'll save it for tomorrow, but tomorrow is just letting me borrow some more time, it's letting borrow more of something that's not mine or anyone's for that matter and matter doesn't matter either, what matters is love. So I continue to look to the skies above, feel the light, feel the dove, feel its peace put my pieces together for the better and whatever I go through at least I'm going and whatever I go through at least I'm knowing at least I'm aware and I don't stare at all the others staring at each other, too afraid to look themselves in the eye, too ashamed to ask why, why they lie, why they don't let themselves cry from time to time, but what's mine is yours so take these words and the infinite amount of love I hold and I hope you let your life unfold into it. Have a beautiful day everyone, much love.
Monday, June 18, 2012
How is my Only How
So here I am, but where am I exactly? These thoughts don’t let me do much they almost help me to lose touch with the things I want to be intertwined with, no time does not exist and neither does my ego its time to let it go, the fear that consumes me, that traps me within myself, a self proclaimed hell, a spell to suffer enough to where I don’t trust anyone or anything, but that’s not me so what does it matter what anyone else thinks, what does it matter what matter is because its all just twisted and churned into something we learn rather than be, rather than feel and fly free, were all prisoners here of our own mind, were all prisoners here of time, were all prisoners here of what we make up, take up another dose for I cant take it anymore, I've about hit the floor.
She says hell is in the hallways until you open another door, but what if you’ve been walking for too long? What if it's too hard to feel strong, what if I want to collapse and melt into nothing else because the possible seems impossible and im hoping for a miracle to shield me from my “mistakes” and everything I take for granted, granted im still alive I still thrive, but I still lie and am scared to die, I don’t know why, I need to practice what I preach because I have so much to teach and so far to reach until I get there, but there is here, its all the same, im going insane searching for something I already know, but how the fuck do I let go, how do I break it down, how do I make a sound and make it heard, how do I escape from this herd roaming through life grazing on bullshit, drinking in standardized piss, shitting out the truth, and breathing in the myths.
How do I know which road to take or not do I run or walk do I sit and talk or do I leave the flock to create my own, my home, my om, where vibrations havenever been sweeter, where my words are not a misdemeanor, where my thoughts don’t teeter, where my heart isn’t bruised from a beater; me, judgement free, forgiveness at its finest, minus the sinus pain of this ongoing game called life where you take a knife and stab it in your own chest and you blame the blood stains on the rest, don’t you see this is all just a test. Who will pass and who will fail?
I received a letter in the mail from a little bird apparently she heard we've been conditioned to breath in sync with the heart beat of a machine, theres no such thing as a team we are all on our own we are all alone, these are letters that have been added and multiplied so that our souls would die and we wouldn’t even know, now they just put on a show because they know we'll all watch and do the message they’ve sent through, see we don’t know the difference anymore between happiness and pain to us it's all just the same because you live and then you die, but before you die you spend 80 years crying inside trying to hide who you really are, what if we could all could just be in harmony, love and peace, whats so hard about that, whats so wrong with a lack of self defense, why must we build fences around our world, why have we turned so cold.
Its hard to understand, but it makes perfect sense, the reason why our chakras are so tense, not an ounce of love for some, not even a hug, or a melody so fine that it wouldn’t even matter how many dimes you had in your piggy bank, and to think I didn’t thank you for inspiring me to turn my dream world into a reality, and to think that jesus didn’t think, drink up some more beer, soothe your soul, release your fear, temporarily at least, it gives your mind some peace, trust me I know, but it gets old, and so youre told, go to school, be a square, drop out? Don’t you dare. A blank stare on every face, trying to retrace at which pace you let the hurt take over, take cover, theyre coming for you, its true, look at the x in the sky, look at the x’s in your eyes, youre so close to dead, eat another loaf of bread, eat your pain away, maybe you can postpone facing it for another day in another way.
So here I lay and ponder and wander in my own maze and im amazed at the universe and how each verse is sung perfectly, each note hits the capacity of my heart and my art, and yours too, who knew we had it in us, the passion to live in love not lust, see theres a difference between the two, a distance not many knew, through each heart and out the next, take a step towards want you want, and youll get what you need, take a step towards yourself and I'll take a step towards me.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Undo my Seams
The universe is a mirror of yourself. Do you see the beauty in it or the ugly? Check. Are you really you or are you being someone else?
You can be put on a shelf and displayed for a day in a shade of grey, then teleport somewhere else, maybe a little elf will whisper in your ear, tell you everything you need to hear, show you where you need to look, a thief stole your soul and you're the crook-ed thought we're all in a melting pot, boiling in our lies until we rot, then we feed ourselves to the young and the old and the middle sold in desperation for them to know the hurt we've endured, in hopes that we can allure them into thinking the same, reliving our pain since we had to feel it and its not fair, so here take this hate, there's plenty to share, don't stop and care about your being just focus your attention on what you're seeing.
Yes, that's good, digest your ego, you are what you eat, you must come with me though and follow in my steps of despair don't you ever declare what's on your mind, don't you dare feel aligned with the idea of no time, you get no words, you won't be heard by anyone or anything, don't you dare listen to your heart ring, don't you dare go against the cause of suffering, my mind created hell on earth and you'll be joining me.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Weirdos Digest
I'm having a weird human moment where I'm wondering who the hell I am and how the hell did I get here? I can't see you here, but I can feel you here. What are you? I'm just knit-picking the energy levels. Don't we all just want to lose our minds? Then we wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. Don't we all just want to lose our minds? Then we'll find our hearts. We all just want to leave our imprint on this earth and thats what I'm doing. The size of our bodies is insignificant, but the size of our hearts is not, and until you speak from yours, it won't be content. You have all of the questions while feeling all the answers in your heart, and you keep looking out, but look within.
So, I'm standing on the earth here and you're standing on the earth there and I'm feeling what I'm feeling here and you're feeling what you're feeling there, but is it possible that were feeling the same thing at the same time? Maybe these emotions aren't so alien after all. Did you ever consider that there are millions of people who are feeling the same exact thing as you, they're just scared to admit to it, just as you are, but don't you see through everyones translucent masks? Don't you see through your own?
Why are we all so ashamed to be insecure, were all just trying to figure out what were looking for. If so many people around you are feeling the same, then why don't you relate to them instead of hate on them. Say something nice and see how much better you feel. You'll go to bed with less pain, knowing that you are being a good person instead of an angry person and it will translate over into the next day where you wake up feeling better than the day before about yourself and this positive pattern continues and you start to eradicate this hurt out of your heart, you actually understand the meaning of a fresh start filled with a clear blue sky, where all the negativity has died.
Much love to all you angels out there, which is everyone <3
So, I'm standing on the earth here and you're standing on the earth there and I'm feeling what I'm feeling here and you're feeling what you're feeling there, but is it possible that were feeling the same thing at the same time? Maybe these emotions aren't so alien after all. Did you ever consider that there are millions of people who are feeling the same exact thing as you, they're just scared to admit to it, just as you are, but don't you see through everyones translucent masks? Don't you see through your own?
Why are we all so ashamed to be insecure, were all just trying to figure out what were looking for. If so many people around you are feeling the same, then why don't you relate to them instead of hate on them. Say something nice and see how much better you feel. You'll go to bed with less pain, knowing that you are being a good person instead of an angry person and it will translate over into the next day where you wake up feeling better than the day before about yourself and this positive pattern continues and you start to eradicate this hurt out of your heart, you actually understand the meaning of a fresh start filled with a clear blue sky, where all the negativity has died.
Much love to all you angels out there, which is everyone <3
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Fall in Love With Yourself
Do you ever feel like you’re two people? Like
your heart is one person and your brain is the other, and until you resolve the
battle between the two, you wont find inner peace. How can you trust anyone if
you don’t even trust yourself? You are constantly beating, hurting, and lying to yourself. That’s why you don’t even love who you are. It’s like a
relationship: how can you love someone when they are constantly lying to you
and breaking your heart? You cant.
You must love yourself. You must nourish, treat and take care of yourself the way you’d expect the love of your life
to take care of you, with compassion and encouragement. You just want someone to love
you because it’s too hard for you to try and love you. You you you, open your
eyes and feel the love , open your heart and see the love.
I don’t know who’s quote this is, I found it
online, but it says “a soul mate is someone who will make you the most ‘you’
that you can possibly be.” Your heart is your spirits soul mate, so don’t
separate, don’t be blinded by hate. Hate is fueled by love, it’s like a glove
that you put over your hand that masks what’s inside, but there’s no need to
hide because you know it’s there and it’s really not fair to you or anyone else
to not allow yourself to feel what were made of.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
A Little Taste of me for the World to See
Money makes the world go round.
Lies.
Money makes the world spin upside down.
Seasick from all of this green, greed, mean-
ing has lost its meaning.
Our eyes are open, but were not seeing.
Were not being.
Were doing as were told until one day we get
old and regret the life we’ve lived,
or not,
you kinda just let your soul rot.
Id like to say it’s a waste of space,
but everything is in its perfect place.
Imperfectly perfect isn’t so wrong,
it gives me the ability to be strong,
And sing a song or two
about the universe and its true blue.
I see every color, every shade of dark;
I see everything, but I don’t see your heart.
One day you’ll wake up and wonder why you
didn’t give,
Give your soul to everything in exchange for
a dream you can live.
Compassion is the life force that ignites our
breath
So breathe in deep and let your spirit rest.
The inexplicably changing rates of time are
mirrored for your love to see it blind.
You caught me in a fishnet and hung me to dry
While all the other fish just swam by.
and by and by and by and by.
And I didn’t resist
I just watched and laughed and waited
And you hated me for it
And I wasn’t mad
And I wasn’t sad
I slowly became untied
The net broke
So I rode the tide
I wasn’t jealous of the other fish
I wasn’t jealous of what I didn’t miss
I just went with the flow of emotion
The flow of the ocean
The movement of water and change,
So strange.
I am not a machine
My life will not be consumed by the evilness
of greed,
And power and clocks on the hour,
and the past,
The future,
But what about now?
Stop wondering why or when or how
It will all come to you when you’re ready.
On your way to be free
On your way to be with me.
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